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BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. | 20 Archives
Archives 2003
     
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Bongo News has been published weakly since 2001. The listing by date you see in the right column is the headline of the lead article for that week.

We have over 2,000 stories available in our free online archives. You can search for topics of interest using our site search function.

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In Memoriam: Victims of September 11, 2001

August 30, 2006
Expat Teacher Confesses to Killing Abraham Lincoln

August 23, 2006
Larry King Covers JonBenet Ramsey Case While World War III Starts

August 16, 2006
Democrats Shift to the Left, Lenin's Corpse Wins Connecticut Primary

August 2, 2006
Castro Hospitalized, Woody Allen to Assume Cuban Leadership

July 26, 2006
Bush Gropes Merkel, Says Clinton Used to Grope People

July 19, 2006
Israel Nukes France for Being Anti-Semitic, Bush Defends Israel's Right to Attack

July 12, 2006
Ken Lay Wins Indonesian Surfing Competition

July 5, 2006
Judge Rules Warren Buffett Incompetent at Request of His Relatives

June 28, 2006
Republicans Decry Video Violence, Endorse the Real Thing

June 21, 2006
U.S. Announces New Festive Uniforms for Iraqi Security Forces

June 14, 2006
Al Jazeerah Launches New TV Show, "Iraq's Next Top Terrorist'

June 7, 2006
FBI Finds the Remains of More Than One Hoffa

May 31, 2006
Bush Offers Prayer With Coast Guard Chaplains as a New FEMA Initiative

May 24, 2006
Bush Receives $7.8 Billion Telephone Bill for Call Monitoring

May 17, 2006
Public Supports Bush's Plan to Implant Monitors in Peoples' Heads

May 10, 2006
Top 10 Questions in the White House Press Secretary Job Interview

May 3, 2006
Bush Nixes Gas Tax, Proposes Immigrant Alternative Energy Tax

April 26, 2006
FEMA's Easter Corpse Hunt a Mixed Success in New Orleans

April 19, 2006
Moussaoui Seeks Confirmation on That Virgins Thing

April 12, 2006
Katie Couric's First Evening News Broadcast Slams Matt Lauer

April 5, 2006
Iraqis Released Jill Carroll Because She Wouldn't Put Out

March 29, 2006
Top 10 Things Cheney Wants in His Hotel Room When Traveling

March 22, 2006
Jessica Simpson Loves the Heck Out of Bush, It's Laura She Can't Stand

March 15, 2006
Hillary Would Rather the Mob Ran U.S. Ports

March 8, 2006
Bush Diary - My Passage to India Was Cleaned Out By Diarrhea

March 1, 2006
Arabs Start Beheadings at US Ports, Seize Carnival Cruise Lines

February 22, 2006
Camel Dung to Remain the Name of Iranian Pastries Sold in Denmark

February 15, 2006
Cheney Inflicts Collateral Damage on Hunting Buddy

February 8, 2006
Fox Cancels Cartoon Series About Mohammed

February 1, 2006
Iraq to Pull Iraqi Troops Out of Iraq

January 25, 2006
New Bin Laden Tape Rejected by Sony Records

January 18, 2006
Angelina Jolie's Lips Are Pregnant

January 11, 2006
Pat Roberston Says God Smote Sharon; God Disagrees

January 4, 2006
New Year Ball Dropped on Bill O'Reilly's Head

December 28, 2005
Top 10 Reasons Why the Google Guys Are Not Our Men of The Year

December 21, 2005
"Holiday' is Coming, But Jews Head Out of Town to Avoid It

December 14, 2005
Anne Coulter Assassinates Richard Pryor and Eugene McCarthy

December 7, 2005
CBS Picks Katie Couric as Evening News Anchor: "We Didn't Want Just Another Pretty Face"

November 30, 2005
Deflated Al Qaeda Behind Thanksgiving Parade Balloon Attack

November 16, 2005
Chinese Retards Mob Arnold, Like His Policies

November 9, 2005
War on Terror Birds Ordered by Revenge-Seeking President

November 2, 2005
"You Got the Wrong Scooter, I Tell Ya!"

October 26, 2005
NASA Forms Partnership with Google, Hoping to Find Porn On Mars

October 19, 2005
Bird Flu Terror Alert Raised to "Gobble, Gobble'

October 12, 2005
Top 10 Questions About the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes Pregnancy

October 5, 2005
Bush Names Gun-Toting Neighbor as Defense Secretary, Barney to Agriculture Post

September 28, 2005
Tyra Banks' Breasts Before and After Surgery

September 21, 2005
Barbra Streisand is Hurt at Not Being Invited to the Clinton Global Initiative

September 14, 2005
Michael Moore Blames Bush for Thunderstorms

September 7, 2005
How Dare President Bush Still Exist When New Orleans Doesn't

August 31, 2005
Bush Diary - I Wish Hurrycane Kat Would Take Out C. She-Man

August 24, 2005
God Calls on Pat Robertson to Kill Pat Robertson

August 17, 2005
Killen is Released: "I'm Hunting Coloreds Again!"

August 10, 2005
Koreans Clone a Dog, Then Eat It

August 3, 2005
Planet Goofy, Discovered Beyond Pluto, May Have Come From Uranus

July 27, 2005
Kirstie Alley Shot in London Train Station

July 20, 2005
Carl's Letter - "Dear Mr. Rove, Treason is in the Air ..."

July 13, 2005
Kobe Bryant Resumes Ads for Nike: "Want Sex? Just Do It."

July 6, 2005
Lance Armstrong: All American or Freaking Frenchman?

June 29, 2005
Matt Lauer Lapses Into Coma After Lecture From Tom Cruise

June 22, 2005
Bush Diary - At Least the War in Eye-Rack is Becoming Civil

June 15, 2005
Man Boy Love Association Celebrates Jackson Acquittal

June 8, 2005
Tom Cruise: "I Have Sex All Over My Holmes"

June 1, 2005
Viagra Turns Blind Man's Bluff Into a Great Party Game!

May 25, 2005
Bush Diary - Star Wars is All About Me; the Dark Side is a Metaphor for Oil!

May 18, 2005
Paris Hilton Visits Madam Tussaud's - Which One is the Dummy?

May 11, 2005
Tom Cruise Explodes With Desire for Katie Holmes

May 4, 2005
Runaway Bride Turned Tricks For Rides

April 27, 2005
Wendy's is Expanding its Finger Food Menu

April 20, 2005
Cardinals Missed a Chance to Pimp the Pope

April 13, 2005
Intrigue at the Pope's Funeral

April 6, 2005
Laura Catches George Bush With Hilary Duff

March 30, 2005
Pat Robertson Made a Last Minute Offer to Donate His Brain to Terri Schiavo

March 23, 2005
Scott Peterson to Become Lawn Fertilizer

March 16, 2005
Michael Jackson to Enroll at Bring Em Young University

March 9, 2005
Martha's Confinement to 153-Acre Estate is Cruel and Unusual Punishment

March 2, 2005
Bush Cabinet's Names and Numbers Found in Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Phone

February 23, 2005
Larry Summers Says Jews Can't Farm

February 16, 2005
H-P Board Fires CEO, Says Women are No Good at Technology

February 9, 2005
GoDaddy Super Bowl Ad a Big Bust

February 2, 2005
Patriots Catch Eagles in Super Bowl

January 26, 2005
Condo Leaser Rice to Purchase a Townhouse

January 19, 2005
Nude Reporter Wins Tsunami Reporting Sweepstakes

January 12, 2005
Brad Pitt Leaves Jennifer Aniston, Moves in With Colin Farrell

January 5, 2005
Meet the Phukets

December 29, 2004
Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2004 is SpongeBob SparePants

December 22, 2004
Kofi Annan and Son to Work at Starbucks

December 15, 2004
Kerik Nanny Identified as Al Qaeda

December 8, 2004
Bush Contracts Mad Cow Disease in Canada

December 1, 2004
Bush Sends Soldiers Into Langley to Retake CIA Headquarters

November 24, 2004
FCC Chairman is Aroused by Nicollette Sheridan in "Desperate Housewives" Promo

November 17, 2004
Palestinians Mourn Arafat, Bush Welcomes Abbas: "I Love that Group"

November 10, 2004
Democrats Have Momentum, Says McAuliffe

November 3, 2004
Kerry Calls for More Debates, Edwards Sues

October 27, 2004
Kerry Says Bush Can't Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time

October 20, 2004
Bill O'Reilly, Accused of Sexual Harassment, Says "So What?"

October 13, 2004
Sirius Satellite Radio to Pay Howard Stern $500 Million to Make it Obscene

October 6, 2004
Bush Will Not Talk During Next Debate, Will Point Instead

September 29, 2004
Election "To-Do" Lists for Bush and Kerry

September 22, 2004
Dan Rather Stands By His Story That Bush is a Martian

September 15, 2004
Clinton is Shocked to Learn Where They Got the Veins For His Bypass

September 8, 2004
Clinton Insists He is OK After Bypass Surgery, Goes Jogging to Burger King

September 1, 2004
Lightweight Interviewer, Matt Lauer, Scores KO in Bush Interview

August 25, 2004
Swift Boat Veterans Say Kerry Had Tea with Ho Chi Minh

August 18, 2004
Arnold Says 'I'm Gay Too!'

August 11, 2004
New 450 Year-Old Information Raises Security Level

August 4, 2004
Kerry Shows Off Purple Hard

July 28, 2004
Michael Jordan to Market Condoms for Nike

July 21, 2004
Martha Asks For Royalties on Number Plates

July 14, 2004
Lone Conservative Celebrity Holds a Concert Rant for Bush

July 7, 2004
My Nazi Photo Gallery, by George Bush

June 30, 2004
Presidential Election Secretly Moved to Yesterday: Bush and Cheney Declared Winners

June 23, 2004
Madonna Takes Jewish Name, Announces 'Like a Whiner' Tour

June 16, 2004
Bongo News' Swimsuit Edition

June 9, 2004
French Remember D-Day: "Never Again ... Will We Fight!"

June 2, 2004
Bush Advisors Plan to Be on Vacation During the Summer Terrorist Attack

May 26, 2004
Michael Moore Wins Admiration of the French and Other Spineless Jellyfish for 'Fahrenheit 9/11'

May 19, 2004
'Stepford Wives' Makeovers: Courtney Love, Daryl Hannah, Christina Aguilera, Tommy Lee, ...

May 12, 2004
Mexican Construction Worker Survives Six Nails in His Head, Now Speaks English Without an Accent

May 5, 2004
Top 10 List for John Kerry's Running Mate

April 28, 2004
Michael Jackson to Enter the Priesthood

April 21, 2004
Bob Woodward: "I'm Spending the Rest of My Life in Bush's Shorts"

April 14, 2004
Kerry Picks Al-Sadr as His Running Mate

April 7, 2004
Streaker at NCAA Final - Exclusive Photo

March 31, 2004
Bush Joke About WMD Wins Satire Award

March 24, 2004
Bush Calls for War on Kerryism

March 17, 2004
Same Sex Couple, Married in San Francisco Last Month, Goes Through Nasty Divorce

March 10, 2004
I Support President Bush for Reelection Because ...

March 3, 2004
Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme

February 25, 2004
As a Result of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of The Christ," Jesus is Now More Popular Than John Lennon

February 18, 2004
OutKast Performance at Grammy's Called Racist by Native Americans

February 11, 2004
Janet Jackson Dangles Her Breast Over Hotel Balcony

February 4, 2004
Justin Timberlake Fumbles Boob Handoff From Janet Jackson in Super Bowl

January 28, 2004
Martha Stewart Appears in Court in Sackcloth and Ashes

January 21, 2004
McDonald's Announces its Burgers Have Long Contained Cow Brains

January 14, 2004
Pete Rose Bets He Can Get Into the Hall of Fame

January 7, 2004
Britney Spears Marries Guy from 'Seinfeld'

December 31, 2003
2003: The Year in Review

December 24, 2003
Thousands of Blacks Claim Strom Thurmond as Their Ancestor

December 17, 2003
US Captures Saddam the Taxi Driver

December 10, 2003
Gore Endorses Dean, Who Immediately Sinks in the Polls

December 3, 2003
Saddam Pays a Surprise Visit to New York for the End of Ramadan

November 26, 2003
Bush is a Hit with the British Public

November 19, 2003
Bush Changes White House Website to whitehouse.com

November 12, 2003
Under Pressure from Conservatives, CBS Cancels The Evening News with Dan Rather

November 5, 2003
Verizon Offers Cellphone Service in Hell

October 29, 2003
Barbara Bush Reveals that George Bush Sr. is Not the Father of Dubya

October 22, 2003
Pamela Anderson Advises FDA on Silicone Breast Implants

October 15, 2003
Chinese to Launch Takeout Food Service in Space

October 8, 2003
Arnold Apologizes For His Past Sexual Performance

October 1, 2003
Chirac and Laura Bush Have a Tryst

September 24, 2003
Bush Orders Evacuation of Iraq

September 17, 2003
Gray Davis Introduces Sing-Alongs to Revive His Campaign

September 10, 2003
Bush is Upset About Abbas' Resignation; "I Loved That Group"

September 3, 2003
Police Detonate Pizza-Bomber

August 27, 2003
Northeast Blackout, the Sobig Virus, and SARS Are All Traced to Ohio

August 20, 2003
Blackout in the Northeast Was Caused by ... Gray Davis!

August 13, 2003
Every Weirdo in California Enters the Governor's Race

August 6, 2003
Music Industry Has Little Kids Arrested

July 30, 2003
Brooklyn Woman Identifies Uday Corpse As Her Missing Husband, Ira

July 23, 2003
Deaths of Uday and Qusay Hussein Nix Clothing Endorsement Deal

July 16, 2003
Bush's Africa Photo Album

July 9, 2003
Kraft Responds to Rising Obesity, and Says its Stock is a "Buy"

July 2, 2003
Supreme Court Rules Homosexuality is Compulsory

June 25, 2003
Israelis Complain About Palestinian Access to Light Weapons

June 18, 2003
Freaking Arabs Complain About Discrimination

June 11, 2003
Sex, Lies and Hillary's Book

June 4, 2003
The "Bush Tapes" Reveal That the Bush Administration is Extremely Right Wing

May 28, 2003
US "Road Map" For Peace in the Middle East is Given, Unfortunately, to Two Men

May 21, 2003
Intern Tells All: I Was Mamie Eisenhower's Boy Toy

May 14, 2003
'The Matrix Reloaded' Opening Causes the Country to Go INSANE

May 7, 2003
Democratic Presidential Candidates Scramble to Match Bush's Daring Tail Hook-Landing on Aircraft Carrier

April 30, 2003
Catherine Zeta-Jones Sues Gynecology Magazine Over Photos Showing Her Giving Birth to Her Daughter

April 23, 2003
Dr. Atkins Dies From Brain Injury - Doctors Say He Might Have Survived But For His Unhealthy Diet

April 16, 2003
No More Iraq Jokes - Please!

April 9, 2003
US Troops Make Daring Raid Into Baghdad to Get to the Local McDonald's

April 2, 2003
Fed Up With the United Nations, US Will Turn UN Headquarters into Condos

March 26, 2003
Bush Accidentally Starts the War on Iraq Early

March 19, 2003
After a Cold Winter, Europe Asks the US to Increase Global Warming

March 12, 2003
Does Anybody Want to Listen to Clinton/Dole "Point-Counterpoint" on '60 Minutes'?

March 5, 2003
Ridge Lowers Security Level to Yellow, Recommends Public Buy Scotch Tape

February 26, 2003
I Finally Get to Meet Bono and Bill Clinton

February 19, 2003
Administration to Inter French Residents in the US

February 12, 2003
Colin Powell's and Colin Farrell's Invitations Get Mixed Up

February 5, 2003
Lord George of the Rings: The Two Terms

January 29, 2003
Colin Powell Tells Harry Belafonte He Likes Being Bush's "House Slave"

January 22, 2003
Nation Celebrates Martin Luther King Day With Hip-Hop Culture

January 15, 2003
Are Cloned Babies Edible?

January 8, 2003
You Heard it Here First: War With Iraq Begins!

January 1, 2003
Weird Religious Sect Claims to Have Cloned a Baby

December 25, 2002
Lott Steps Aside; Avoids a Frist Fight

December 18, 2002
Kissinger, Mitchell, Cardinal Law, Al Gore, Everybody Resigns; But Not Lott

December 11, 2002
Saddam Has Gas

December 4, 2002
Henry Kissinger Is Appointed To Conduct September 11 Witch Hunt

November 27, 2002
Obese Teenage Girls Sue McDonald's

November 20, 2002
Saddam Is Breaching The "No Fly" Zone; An Object Appears In His Fly

November 13, 2002
War With Iraq: Name The Operation!

November 6, 2002
Best Winona Ryder Jokes

October 30, 2002
Stupid Washington-Area Snipers Are Caught Napping

October 23, 2002
Barbra Streisand is Appointed Secretary of State

October 16, 2002
Peanut Farmer Wins The Nobel Peace Prize

October 9, 2002
New Jersey Court Rules That Democrats Can Run A Wax Dummy For The US Senate

October 2, 2002
US Plans To Make A "James Bond" Car To Counter Terrorism

September 25, 2002
Company Town Changes Mind, Wants Hershey Foods To Leave

September 18, 2002
Jack Welch Agrees To Return The Palace, But Will Keep The Slaves

September 4, 2002
Bush to Allow Debate on Iraq

August 28, 2002
Studies Show That Caffeine Protects Against Cancer, And Causes Cancer

August 21, 2002
Amtrak Suspends High-Speed Train Service

August 14, 2002
Pied Piper Suspected In Missing Children Cases Across The Nation

August 7, 2002
Justice Department Wants People To Snitch On Fellow Citizens

July 31, 2002
Stockalypse Now! Stock Market In Free Fall

July 24, 2002
Pakistani Tribal Council Orders Girl Raped To Punish An "Insult"

July 17, 2002
Bush Says Economy is Just "Hung Over"

July 10, 2002
Al Sharpton to Help Michael Jackson and Other Disadvantaged Pop Stars

July 3, 2002
California Court Rules That the Pledge of Allegiance is Unconstitutional

June 26, 2002
Al Sharpton to Visit India and Pakistan to Avert Nuclear War

June 19, 2002
Martha Stewart in Hot Water Over Possible Insider Trading

June 12, 2002
Paul McCartney Disappoints His Fans Yet Again With His Second Wedding

June 5, 2002
Queen Elizabeth Celebrates Her Golden Jubilee

May 29, 2002
Israeli Scientists Produce a Featherless Chicken

May 22, 2002
TV Season Ends With All Unanswered Plot Questions Answered

May 15, 2002
Al Gore Exposed By Wife, Tipper, at a Book Fair in New York

May 8, 2002
Scientists Excited By Photos From Newly Repaired Hubble Telescope

May 1, 2002
Bill Gates Testifies in Federal Court That the States' Antitrust Plan Would Cripple Microsoft

April 24, 2002
Pope Promulgates Pervy Priest Policy

April 17, 2002
Pope Summons US Cardinals to Rome to Discuss Sex Abuse

April 10, 2002
Stop the World! Bryant Gumbel Tells CBS He is Quitting "The Early Show"

April 3, 2002
Special Oscar Issue: Whitey Wins Some Minor Oscars

March 27, 2002
Tom Ridge Explains His New Color Coded System for Terrorist Alerts

March 20, 2002
Bono is Sworn in as Vice President of the United States

March 13, 2002
Bush Confirms His Pledge of $20 Billion of Aid for New York City

March 6, 2002
Bush Sets up a Shadow Government in Secret Underground Bunkers

February 27, 2002
Bush Stumbles Through Asian Trip With Gaffes Galore

February 20, 2002
Cry-Baby Canadian Figure Skaters Awarded Duplicate Gold Medals

February 13, 2002
Bono, at World Economic Forum, Solves all the World's Problems

February 6, 2002
Ashcroft is Offended by Nude Statue at Justice Department

January 30, 2002
President Bush Celebrates His First Full Year in Office

January 23, 2002
Al Qaeda Prisoners Are Flown to US Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

January 16, 2002
Founder of Wendy's Eats One Double Cheeseburger Too Many

January 9, 2002
Larry Summers Gets a Harvard Education

January 2, 2002
Rudolph Giuliani is Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2001

December 26, 2001
Argentines are Revolting!

December 19, 2001
US Reports That Bin Laden May be in Tora Bora, or He May Have Escaped

December 14, 2001
Ashcroft Threatens a Reporter Who Asks One Question Too Many

December 7, 2001
Russian Foreign Minister Ivanov Gives Colin Powell the Finger

November 28, 2001
Toyota Under Fire for Selling to the Taliban

November 21, 2001
Bloomberg Quizzes Trump About Rebuilding the World Trade Center

November 14, 2001
Bush Meets with What's-His-Name

October 31, 2001
Bush Bows to Arab Pressure and Stops High-Tech Bombing; Starts Throwing Rocks at Bin Laden and the Taliban

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