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Al Franken Induces Multi-City Coma With Liberal Radio Show
NEW YORK Air America, Al Franken's liberal answer to conservative radio talk shows, resulted in thousands of coma cases after its maiden show was aired last week.
"We knew he wanted to hit 'em hard," said a media analyst, "but we had no idea he'd have such an impact. To knock people unconscious and render them comatose on your initial outing is almost unheard of."
Franken's three-hour show, The O'Franken Report, hurled a salvo of mind-numbing dialog with such riveting guests as rapper, Chuck D, 9/11 Commission member, Vietnam vet and ladykiller, Bob Kerrey, 147 year-old comedian, Bob Elliott, who everyone over 79 remembers from the "Bob & Ray" comedy team, as well as heavyweight snooze-inducers, Michael Moore and Al Gore.
"I was glued!" said one listener in Minneapolis, who at some point during the show he lost consciousness, remaining in a coma until yesterday.
"Man, it was like I was buzzed. First I was feeling all mellow, listening to Chucky-Cheez or whatever talk about the flag, or a bag, I dunno. Anyway, then there was some totally kick-ass Grateful Dead tunes, man, that's GOT to piss off the right wing! So, whatever, then Al Gore and Michael Moore started talkin'. Everything got all blurry and shit, and the next thing I knew it was next week. Total blackout, man!"
Over ninety-five percent of the reported coma cases occurred during the Gore/Moore interview, which Franken steered to focus on the electrifying 2000 Ralph Nader candidacy:
Franken: "Hi, Al."
Gore: "Hi, Al."
Moore: "We're all really sorry, Al."
Gore: "For what, Michael?"
Gore: "What are you saying?"
Franken closed the show with an anesthetizing interview of the 70-something parents of his best friend.
"If we'd only opened in more than five cities," said one Air America executive, "we could've put the whole country to sleep."
Franken says he plans to keep the surge going this week by interviewing Gray Davis, Steve Forbes, celebrity vegetarians, Montel Williams and Bob Barker, plus a special three-hour interview with his mom and Aunt Ruth.
"And, we'll be rockin' all week to Seals & Crofts!" he said.