BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 9, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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French Remember D-Day: "Never Again ... Will We Fight!"
... Full story

Kerry is Worried that Reagan's Death Will Help Bush: Plans to Kill Carter
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Tenet Resigns, Chalabi Found in His Bathroom
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Bush Leaves the Pope in Stitches
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Chalabi Gave US Nuclear Launch Code to the Russians
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Kerry Promises a Plan for Making Some Kind of Nuke Plan
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Ashcroft Shuts Down Michael Moore's Trailer for 'Fahrenheit 9/11'
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US to Back Spider-Hole Man in Iraqi Elections
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Jack Palethorpe Interviews the Sire of Racehorse Smarty Jones
Jack tries to get some tips from Smarty Jones’ Dad... Full story

Bush Competes in National Spelling Bee
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'The Onion' is Exposed as a Fake
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Laura Bush Asks the Wizard of Love
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Anarcho Dictator of Death: John Kerry
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Class Trip
With apologies to BC... Full story

The Invisible Man Inserting a Pencil Into His Rectum
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

MTV Wins Nobel Prize for Not Showing Eminen's Ass

eminem horror

STOCKHOLM — MTV, beleaguered ever since Janet Jackson's breast-baring performance during this year's Super Bowl, was awarded the Nobel Prize for Humanity this week following its decision to edit out a shot of black-wannabe rapper, Eminem, dropping his pants and mooning the audience at the 2004 MTV Movie Awards.

Loping onstage during the Saturday night taping, Eminem appeared dressed in a long red wig, jeans and a studded codpiece, which he repeatedly groped for the thousands of live audience members. Near the end of the nut-scratching choreography, he pulled down his trousers and flashed his bare butt-cheeks to the horror-struck crowd. Blinded by spotlights reflecting off his nearly phosphorescent ass, several audience members had to be removed and treated for shock and "overexposure to one really ugly white ass," according to medical officials.

The Movie Awards are perhaps the pinnacle of meaningless awards MTV bestows upon mediocre celebrities in such revered categories as "Most Desirable Male,"ť "Most Desirable Female," "Best Kiss," "Best Fight" and "Entertainer Most Likely to go Totally Douche Bag." MTV says Eminem's performance during Saturday night's taping will be "sanitized for [Thursday evening's] broadcast".

MTV would neither confirm nor deny rumors that the rapper will receive a Lifetime Achievement Award for "Biggest White Asshole" in 2005.

Mark Fisher

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