BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 21, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Fat Linda Ronstadt Mistaken for Michael Moore, Ejected from All-You-Can-Eat Vegas Buffet

michael moore ronstadt

LAS VEGAS — Pop singer Linda Ronstadt was heaved out of Las Vegas's Aladdin casino over the weekend after praising the movie Fahrenheit 9/11.

Ronstadt, who's gained considerable weight in the past decade, was mistaken for the immensely fat filmmaker Michael Moore in the dimly-lit concert hall, sparking a near-riot among the crowd of nearly 5,000 fans.

"Our only priority is the enjoyment of our customers," said Aladdin President Bill Timmins. "She was doing all her usual stuff, like 'It's So Easy (to Eat a Cow)', 'Heart Like a Cheese Wheel', and 'When Will I Be Liposuctioned' - you know, her hits - and all of a sudden she started rambling on about dedicating 'Krispy Kremerado' to Moore. Well, we had pretty soft lighting - nobody likes a spotlight on obesity, you know - and with the multiple chins and ball cap, well, people saw the wrong fat person on stage. It got pretty ugly after that."

The crowd stormed the stage, screaming "Go back to France, Porky!" and tore apart dozens of donuts the entertainer had hidden backstage before bursting out of the auditorium, crying for security personnel to "shoot the fat bastard before he reaches the dinner buffet!"

"About fifty or sixty of them formed a line of defense in front of the roast beef bar," said Timmons. "Every one of them a volunteer. God, it was moving!"

Timmons said that Ronstadt was escorted to her bus immediately following the incident and told to get out of town as quickly as possible.

"Miss Ronstadt was hired to entertain the guests of the Aladdin, not impersonate a blimped-out buffoon. If she wants to espouse her political views, she can do it at some free concert in California with the rest of the hippos. I mean hippies."

Mark Fisher

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