BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. SEPTEMBER 22, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Oprah to Free White Women She Has Enslaved with Her TV Show

Michael Jackson

CHICAGO — Oprah Winfrey began a nationwide initiative to free white women she has enslaved for years. Shackled in her studio audience or sitting on IKEA furniture while watching her show at home, the Winfrey flock listened intently as Winfrey issued her Emancipation Proclamation and tossed free Pontiac cars at these Caucasians and giving them the chance to return the boring books she had forced them to read.

Several of the women started singing the 'Ol White Negro Spiritual :

Swing low, but not too low cause I'm an out of shape white person
Comin' for to carry me to Pottery Barn
Swing low, but not too low cause I'm an out of shape white person
Comin' for to carry me to Pottery Barn
I looked over the soccer field
And what did I see
Comin' for to carry me to Pottery Barn
A band of misdiagnosed ADD kids on Paxil playing a handheld video game
Comin' for to kick a ball in my face.

Harriet ("Blonde Trash") Tubmann had been organizing underground Volvo drives to the South prior to the Winfrey proclamation. "We had a number of blue-eyed broads get in these multi-air bagged vehicles, pop in a John Tesch CD, and head from Illinois to North Carolina in our secret passageway beneath those states. Several would first fulfill their commitments as trailer trash on the Jerry Springer Show before disappearing underground to start their anti-lock-braked vehicles with those cute stickers reading "Obese Suicidally Depressed Child On Board.'"

Oprah believes that the give away of cars is the first step to total freedom for white people, noting, " Next, I will stop the bailing of cotton outerwear into Bloomingdale's bags; these whitely-colored women have been retailed to death!!!"

The TV Emancipist also noted, "We also have these gals running track. And they are breaking records for "most detours to children's orthodontists' in some of the longer races."

Van Gross MD

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