BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com DECEMBER 1, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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Bush Sends Soldiers Into Langley to Retake CIA Headquarters
... Full story

Dan Rather, Anchor's Away
... Full story

The S*** Flies at Benihana
... Full story

Heidi Klum Becomes Spokesbabe for McDonalds
... Full story

Bush and Condi Have a Thing Going On
... Full story

Greenspan: "Deficit is Higher than a Hippie"
... Full story

The Next David Hasselhoff
Losers of the SpongeBob SquarePants movie contest... Full story

Snow White Fired for Posing Nude
... Full story

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Deny Break Up
... Full story

Ideal Romance: Donald Rumsfeld
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: BC Gay Australian
With apologies to BC... Full story

Ambiguo
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Highlights of Dan Rather's Career


rather cancelled

Highlights of Dan's career:

1961 Reports on Hurricane Carla by going outside and being lashed by rain and wind, establishing the disaster-reporting genre. However, Dan actually used a wind machine and had a camera man throw water at him.

1963 Helps Lee Harvey Oswald murder JFK so he can be the first to report his death on TV.

1966 Goes to Vietnam, reports on Kerry and the Swift Boats, begins research on National Guard story.

1968 Is roughed up at the Democratic National Convention, establishing himself as a wuss.

1974 Disses President Nixon during a press conference. When Nixon asks Dan if he is running for anything. Rather replies, "Walter Cronkite's job now and a Senate seat later."

1980 Sneaks into Afghanistan dressed as a mujhadeen, becomes known as 'Gunga Dan.' A young Geraldo Rivera is inspired to become a TV reporter.

1986 Is mugged on Park Avenue by a man who says, "What's the frequency, Kenneth," starting rumors that Rather is an alien.

1987 Walks off the set for 6 minutes to protest a televised tennis game running late, saying, "Only Republicans watch tennis."

1988 Annoys VP George Bush Sr., who asks Dan if he would like his career judged by the 1987 'blank screen' incident. Dan replies that the blank screen incident was one of his most truthful reports.

2003 Speaks at a Democratic fundraiser but says he is not biased. "I just hate Republicans."

2004 Undone by National Guard story, Dan does a Nixonian resignation. "Nobody pushed me," said Rather. "Jim Nobody. He works for Leslie Moonves."
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