BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 29, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Michael Jackson to Search for Found Utah Boy
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Matt Lauer Lapses Into Coma After Lecture From Tom Cruise

Matt Lauer interview Tom Cruise romanianexorcism
Romanian nuns attempt an exorcism of Matt Lauer

NEW YORK — Today Show host, Matt Lauer, his brain over challenged by Tom Cruise, lapsed into brain death rather than face a repeat lecture from Cruise on the history of psychiatry.

Romanian nuns were flown in from Transylvania by the Today Show producers to try to exorcise the demons from Lauer. After chanting around his body for an hour, the head nun declared that "the demons inside the man are so bored hearing mindless interviews that they decided to shut down his brain, or what little there was of it."

Cruise, a high school dropout who had called Lauer "glib" in an argument about ADD and the drug Ritalin, hovered over Lauer's body screaming, "No life saving drugs! Vitamins and exercise can cure him!"

Katie Couric was all smiles when she heard that Lauer would be unable to do any more interviews. She grabbed a microphone and started interviewing the nuns, but after five minutes they ran screaming to Al Roker and beseeched him to tell them weather and stomach-stapling stories to lighten the tedium of dealing with Couric.

Brooke Shields, whom Cruise has criticized for taking anti-depressants for postpartum depression, appeared on the scene with a basket of Thorazine tablets.

This caused Cruise to leap up and down on the Today Show sofa, shouting, "Psychosis, depression, and ADD are not diseases! You have no chemical imbalance, you Blue Lagoon bitch! You don't know the history of modeling. I do. And the world was invaded 75 million years ago by aliens from outer space!"

Van Gross, MD and Julio Cesar

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