Bush Okays Colonoscopy as a Form of Legitimate Torture
Spanish colonoscopy BETHESDA, Maryland After endorsing various tortures, including sexual humiliation, religious denigrations, and deprivation of basic necessities, and any number of other forms of torture banned by the Geneva Conventions, President Bush signed an executive order to prescribing new guidelines for the interrogation of prisoners. All forms of torture will be expanded to include colonoscopy.
The newly accepted form of torture involves the examination of the large colon the distal part of the small bowel with a camera attached to a long flexible tube passed through the anus.
The President underwent a colonoscopic examination this week and had five small polyps removed from his colon. Strangely, two of the polyps appeared to be recent Supreme Court appointments and another bore a remarkable resemblance to the vice president. The last two polyps that were removed remain unidentified but two more polyps remain, tentatively identified as Big Bird and Bin Laden.
"Hey, Ahwoodah tolem my mahmah's pantisahze wendey stuhck thah thahng upehn mah wahzoo," the President confessed during an afternoon press conference.