www.bongonews.com DECEMBER 19, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Clinton Says She Was Presidential in Hostage Crisis

clinton hostage

ROCHESTER, New Hampshire — "I acted Presidential in being there right after the hostage crisis was resolved," gushed Hillary Clinton as she related how masterfully she had exploited the situation. "We had network TV and all the cable channels!"

She proudly related how she had hidden for the five hours during which the man with the "bomb" had repeatedly asked to talk to her, and had flown to Rochester only after he had been arrested.

"When the man had been disarmed and arrested and all the hostages had been released, I knew it was time for me to be in front of the cameras!" she said. "I learned this from Bill after the Oklahoma bombing. Get there fast, but not too fast - wait until the danger is over. Then you emote and take credit. Only I don't do "˜emote' very well.

"Dick Cheney's cousin says I don't really have experience. My experience as First Lady taught me that I should NOT try to exercise executive authority "“ just think about my leading roles in health care reform, gays in the military, the Lani Guinier nomination, and Travelgate. Instead, I learned how Bill became popular by not doing much of anything. I did, however, get plenty of hands-on experience managing bimbo alerts. That experience will be essential if Bill is back in the White House!

"Of course, my role in this crisis is more poignant because I am a woman and mother. When I first heard about the man with the bomb I felt, as a woman and a mother, that sense of outrage, bewilderment, self-doubt and penis-envy that women feel about men erecting glass ceilings. People say I'm playing the gender card, but it wasn't a woman who invaded my campaign office. It was a man with flares "“ sticks that have fire spurting out of one end. Think about the symbolism!"

The man told police that he just wanted to talk to Clinton.

"She has been able to get to the top of the polls by just nodding and winking and mouthing platitudes, not revealing her true positions," he said. "I just wanted to talk to her to find out what her positions really are."

Emma Dubin

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