BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 14, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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US Returns to Afghanistan After 'Fatal Attraction' Fling with Iraq
... Full story

New York Times Wins 'Foolitzer' Prize After Reporter Found to Have Made Up Stories
... Full story

Canada's Military Role Vital, Says US
... Full story

Freak Show in London
Liza Minnelli and David Gest get physical... Full story

Thalia Wins Latin Pop-Out-of-Your-Dress Award
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Oregon Calls for Klingon Speakers, Changes Mind
Officials want to communicate with mental patients... Full story

'The Matrix Reloaded' Opening Causes the Country to Go INSANE


  • If you think this issue is a little thin, that's because the staff are distracted this week.
  • Darth Aeroplane has gone INSANE, and has tickets to see The Matrix Reloaded five times in five days. He's bought tickets for all his friends, too. He is meant to write a review, but he hasn't delivered. He keeps saying, "It's INSANE!"
  • Jack Palethorpe says he will probably get around to seeing The Matrix Reloaded, but he's not sure he will write a review. "Get the kid to do it," he told us. Jack still hasn't seen the first The Matrix all the way through.
  • Darth says that the Enter the Matrix game is also coming out this week. Darth is going to buy it, and will probably play it all the time instead of writing the review.
  • Meanwhile, Julio Cesar keeps playing the new, dreadful CD released by Marilyn Manson, The Golden Age of Grotesque, and won't do any work for us either. He says that the PC version of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is coming out this week.
  • Alicia Bogdanovich ought to write another Bad Advice Column, but she's trying to get her own life together. Hell, we'd even welcome another column from Barbra Streisand or another interview with Al Sharpton.
  • At least Mark Fisher is still typing away. That guy can bang out more words than we can read. Sandy Lane is still doing the graphics.
  • I think Jack is getting a little jealous of Mark. He thinks Mark writes so often and writes stories that are so long just to get attention. But Jack's cool, so he doesn't need the attention.
  • Thank god we roped in a Canadian this week to pad the issue.

Read these related stories:

Al Sharpton to Visit India and Pakistan to Avert Nuclear War (26-Jun-02)

Barbra's Column (23-Oct-02)

Bad Advice Column (26-Feb-03)

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