BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. FEBRUARY 4, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Glenn Campbell, Winona Judd, Michael Jackson and James Brown to Receive Busted Drunk Ugly-Ass Has-Been Awards at the Grammy's

busted drunks

MEMPHIS — Four of America's most arresting singers have been selected for special recognition during Sunday's Grammy Awards in Memphis.

Glenn Campbell, Winona Judd, Michael Jackson and the Godfather of Bitch-Slap, James Brown, will all receive the prestigious Busted Drunk Ugly-Ass Has-Been Singer Award, honoring their performances as out-of-control, handcuffed has-beens who vaulted to center stage during violent, drunken benders in the past year.

A Grammy spokesperson said that the Recording Academy is proud of its rich heritage of alcohol and substance-abusing members.

"A lot of people felt that, after the '60's, we'd seen the last of singers and musicians diving headfirst into the pool of self-abuse and stupidity. When's the last time you read about somebody choking to death on their own puke? That's a tough benchmark for anybody. But, music and performers are always evolving, and we want to recognize this group of trend-setters for their extraordinary work in total loss of self-respect."

The spokesperson said that each artist was selected for his ground-breaking creativity in the field; Michael Jackson, for his selfless use of children in his performances, Winona Judd, for daring to reveal how incredibly butt-ugly she is while driving completely smashed, Glenn Campbell, for going from superstar to gin-soaked has-been to bible-quoting recovering wino to gin-soaked has-been recovering wino superstar that looks like he beat up a frying pan with his face, and James Brown, who will receive a Lifetime Achievement Award in recognition of nearly 50 years of domestic violence.

Former Busted Drunk Ugly-Ass Has-Been Singer Award winners Chuck Berry and Marilyn Manson will be the award presenters.

Mark Fisher

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