BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com FEBRUARY 25, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site


best of
bongo news

sponsored links


As a Result of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of The Christ," Jesus is Now More Popular Than John Lennon
... Full story

Blind Man Regains Sight at Rio Carnival
... Full story

Independent Party Releases "The Passion of Nader"
... Full story

Bush's Dog, Spot, Put to Sleep... by John Ashcroft
... Full story

Reader Survey: What Do You Think When You See a Woman in a Burkha?
... Full story

Dean to Run for President in Iraq
... Full story

Office Romance: Marylou Wondered How all Those Rumors About Her Got Started
... Full story

Black History Month: Coming to America
... Full story

Spring Break Photo
... Full story

Banner Ads We'd Like To See: Send Your Money
... Full story

The "Leeder of the Free Wirld" Asks the Wizard of Love
You can ask the Wizard anything... Full story

The Adventures of Abdul and Hasim. Chapter 12: Cousin Nasir is Coming
... Full story

Long Distance
... Full story

University of Colorado Football Coach Barnett Says "We Rape All Our Placekickers"


kelly hnida
Kelly Hnida and friends

DENVER — A seventh charge of rape has been made against the University of Colorado football team, this time by their female placekicker, Kelly Hnida. Coach Gary Barnett tried to deflect the charge by saying that Kelly was an "awful" player who couldn't "kick the ball through the uprights." "Kelly was not only a girl, she was terrible," he added, helpfully.

Coach Barnett has been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation. Our reporter caught up with him in a Denver strip club.

Sitting on a bar stool admiring the girls, Barnett seemed anxious to make amends for his comments, and denied he had been sexist. "Look, let's get something straight here, it didn't matter whether she was a boy or a girl, we rape ALL our placekickers. I think that if you ask around you will find that's pretty much the norm on all football teams from the college level to the pros."

"Placekickers are not like the rest of the players," he continued. "They never get tackled or hit and they are a scrawny bunch with narrow hips. As a way of making them feel part of the team, it is not unusual for a club to take them aside and give them a good rape or two. It's especially effective if the kicker is not kicking too good. A good ramming can do wonders for his or her incentive to make that kick!"

"I'm sorry Kelly feels the way she does about this, but there was nothing personal about it," said Barnett as he winked at the bartender.

Mike Pasternack
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:



personal ad
of the week

Subscribe to Bongo News


Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed