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www.bongonews.com JUNE 30, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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Presidential Election Secretly Moved to Yesterday: Bush and Cheney Declared Winners
... Full story

Will Bush Receive the Same Soft Treatment as Clinton When He Peddles the Book on His Life Story
... Full story

Pentagon Calls on Old Soldiers to Serve, Considers Draft; Kerry and Clinton Spring Into Action
... Full story

Ryan, Who Quit Senate Race Over Trying to Have Sex in Public With His Wife, to Re-enter the Race as a Married Homosexual
... Full story

Cigarette Manufacturers Try Marketing to Adults Instead of Children
... Full story

Bowling for Columbine; Jumping for Hot Dogs
... Full story

Bush to Become a Dentist
... Full story

If Bush Had Become a Boat Captain ...
... Full story

Michael Jackson is Fingered
... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Thunk Macattack
With apologies to Tank McNamara... Full story

The Haunt of Fear: Dick Cheney
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

The Friendly Executioner
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Larry King Denies that 'Depends' Found in His Trash Are His


larry
NEW YORK — Talk show host, Larry King, has denied that some soiled Depends found in his trash are his, despite the fact that they are monogrammed with the initials "LK."

"They don't belong to me," said King. "I don't even know what Depends is, or are."

King also denied that empty bottles of false teeth cleaner, empty tubes of Preparation H, empty bottles of hair dye, empty packets of Viagra, and an Austin Powers Penis Enlarger pump were his.

"I don't know what any of that stuff is or how it got into my trash," said King. "I don't use any of those products, and I can definitely hold my water."

He then had to excuse himself and run to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, the Office of Homeland Security is investigating reports that Larry King, who has an unusually large cranium, is an extraterrestrial.

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