BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com SEPTEMBER 22, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site


best of
bongo news




in other news

Dan Rather Now Works on Documents at Kinko's
... Full story

Edwards is Hiding at an Undisclosed Location
... Full story

Iraq Returns to Normal: Iraqis Killing Each Other
... Full story

Martha Wants to Start Jail Term: Judge Scolds Her For Not Pursuing Lengthy Appeal
... Full story

Oprah to Free White Women She Has Enslaved with Her TV Show
... Full story

Hurricane Supply Kit
... Full story

Britney Spears Buys a Second Husband
Be careful, Britney! Second marriages don't last as long as first marriages!... Full story

Britney Murphy's New Movie: 'Have you ever been tempted to look inside his "'
... Full story

Maria Menounos at the Emmys
... Full story

Melania Knauss at the Emmys
... Full story

Miss America: More Skin, Less Talent
... Full story

Under the Knife: Drew Barrymore
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Willie 'n Pam Anderson's Breasts
With apologies to Willie ‘n Ethel... Full story

Unseen Peanuts Comic
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Dan Rather Stands By His Story That Bush is a Martian


Dan Rather
You can See the BS
NEW YORK — CBS news anchor, Dan Rather, is sticking to his exposé on 60 Minutes that George Bush is a really a one-eyed, green skinned Martian.

Meanwhile experts, while not ruling out the possibility that Bush is a Martian, have cast doubt on the authenticity of the document used as proof by Rather. The document was purportedly found in a "Martian time capsule" which suddenly appeared in James Carville's office. But the time capsule was a cardboard tube, the document was in English, not Martian, and one paper expert said the paper was manufactured by Weyerhaeuser in Washington State.

"I stand by the story," said Rather. "The source is James Carville and he is unimpeachable -- he's on our side! The so-called paper expert is a partisan -- nothing wrong with that -- but he's the wrong type of partisan, a Naderite! Even if the document is as false as a coon skin on mountain lion, the substance of the story is as true as a tit on a trooper. George Bush is as mean as a Martian in a mudslide!"

CBS executives stood by their man, saying that Rather's appearance at a Democratic fundraiser and long history of attacking Republican Presidents were entirely appropriate by today's standards of journalism. "We hate Bush too," they said.

Rather offered new experts to support his story, including Kitty Kelley, author of The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. "George Bush looks like his mother, Barbara," said Kelley, "and she definitely has green skin! And George Bush senior had a roving eye. He could have had an affair with a Martian!"

Emma Dubin
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:


Warning: mysql_fetch_array() expects parameter 1 to be resource, object given in /home3/icc/public_html/bongonews.com/layout3.php on line 210


personal ad
of the week

Subscribe to Bongo News

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed