BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. OCTOBER 19, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Judith Miller Doesn't Think Scooter Called Out Valerie Plame's Name During Sex

Judith miller judithmiller
WASHINGTON, DC — New York Times' correspondent, Judith Miller, who was released from jail after serving 85 days for refusing to name a source, is using the "I don't recall' defense made popular by Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton. Despite being a reporter trained to seek out and remember facts, she now "doesn't think' she heard Valerie Plame's name mentioned by Cheney's closest aide, Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

"We were in a three-way," said Miller. "Scooter was nailing this blonde. I was downing margaritas with Steve Winwood tracks blasting in the background. Suddenly I hear:

Valerie, call on me-call on me, Valerie
Come and see me-I'm the same boy I used to be.

"I have testified that I believed her name came from another source, whom I now cannot recall despite being a trained sleuth, and I stand by that statement. I mean, it could have been Steve Winwood. But we had the Beach Boys on too - you know, with Brian Wilson. It was the closest thing to Joseph Wilson we could come up with.

"Scooter was screaming someone's name at the top of his lungs while writhing in passion. And because I was dancing like no one was watching, I wasn't writing names down in my New York Times' notebook.

"After that, Scooter got out the video camera and started recording his Testimony to Dick Cheney's Daughter by having the blonde dance like no one was watching while I performed lingual activity on her anatomy.

"Special Prosecutor, Patrick Fitzgerald, who later subpoenaed me for my unpublished phone number, asked me if Libby had shared classified information with me. I said we were dropping acid at that point, digging on some Ashford and Simpson, and hanging upside down on the Lib-erator's chandelier. He kept repeating the Simpson woman's first name but he was also insisting to the blonde woman that he was O.J. and spanking her while singing Surfer Girl."

Van Gross, MD

Editor's Note: The New York Times has written how the Bush Administration was duped by Ahmad Chalabi into believing there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The Times was also duped and ran a series of articles about the likely existence of weapons of mass destruction, reported by Judith Miller, whose source was Chalabi.

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