BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 24, 2002 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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'N Sync's Lance Bass To Be Shot Into Space

lance space
"Here am I sitting in a tin can."
MOSCOW — Teen-pop sensation Lance Bass, star of popular boy band 'N Sync, is to be shot into space in a Russian rocket.

Unlike US millionaire Dennis Tito and South African internet entrepreneur Mark Shuttleworth, who each paid $20 million to become the first space tourists, Lance's shot into the cold, lonely abyss of outer space is being funded by the US government, as part of its Boy Band Reduction Program. While nine-year old girls across the US grieved at the selection, the tousled-haired Lance remained stoic and urged the nation to hold back its tears. "Have you seen Armageddon, where Bruce Willis stays behind on the asteroid? Well, I think it will be something like that. I should get a good view of the world before my oxygen runs out."

"Actually," said a spokesman for the Boy Band Reduction Program, "after the atmospheric pressure outside becomes zero, his head will explode."

But he said the public should take comfort in the knowledge that J.C., Joey, Chris and Justin, as well as those rascals from O-Town, are slated to join Lance.

"This is a mission of mercy ... for the nation," he added. "True, we will miss these kids, but the upside is that we will be spared those interminable E! True Hollywood Stories America about them."

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Strom Thurmond Music CD to be Released Posthumously (9-Jul-03)

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