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www.bongonews.com JANUARY 4, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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New Year Ball Dropped on Bill O'Reilly's Head


bill o’reilly dreidel
TIMES SQUARE, New York — Fair-and-balanced Fox shill, Bill O'Reilly was hit on the head by the Times Square ball bringing in the New Year. Dick Clark was so surprised he had another stroke.

Though slightly shaken, O'Reilly immediately attacked an elderly Upper West Side woman, calling her Al Franken. He then went on a rampage "hunting Jew-liany because he pulled all my old porno shops out of Times Square."

Continuing where he left off during the holiday he likes to call "Christ-Mass', O'Reilly vowed to keep Christ in New Year's. He also vowed to use his head as a dreidel in observance of the remaining days of Chanukah.

"I believe in religious freedom. That's why if some Yid wants to spin me like a top in the spirit of a holy event, I'm all for it, ya understand? Hey, you want to eat latkes while I'm looking out for you? Go ahead, but don't go spoutin' secular hogwash, ya hear? Or I'll swallow your holiday pancakes and beat the living crap out of you."

A neurologist passerby did observe the O'Reilly brain and he noted the absence of the left hemisphere. Otherwise, said the not yet board certified M.D., "the brain was fair and balanced and seemed to be looking out for me."

Van Gross, MD
Editor's note: Microsoft Word spell check does not recognize the word "dreidel."
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