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Howard Stern Runs Afoul of Alien Bureaucrats


Howard Stern
NEW YORK — Barely two months after moving his top-rated morning program from the public airwaves to Sirius satellite radio in search of more artistic freedom, controversial shock-jock Howard Stern is already embroiled in a dispute with the super-intelligent alien beings responsible for monitoring deep-space broadcasts.

The Intergalactic Communications Commission has found Stern's show to be "offensive and contrary to the interests of the general interspecies public."

According to ICC Chairman, Zaxxon Nyplar, "We find it especially odd that he continues to talk about the act of mating between human females since, according to our leading scientists, that is not how the species is propagated. We are also confounded by his attempts to derive humor from the process of expelling gaseous matters from the body, which as everyone knows is a simple biological function no more remarkable than growing a sixth arm or eighth head."

The ICC has determined that Stern could face fines of up to 2 million Zlaxneks if he does not tone down his act.

On his show Monday, Stern responded to the allegations by referring to Nyplar as a "crag-sucking plotron."

Darrin Pack
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