BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. FEBRUARY 7, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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CBS is Mystified That Katie Couric is Bombing

NEW YORK — Leslie Moonves, President of CBS, is mystified why Katie Couric is languishing in last place among the networks in the evening news' ratings.

"I just don't understand it," said Moonves. "She is the greatest journalist of all time. She was very successful as a grinning Cheshire cat on the Today Show. Why hasn't she been successful on the Evening News without the grin, and with glasses?

"She has to look serious to do the news. That's why we concentrated so much on her wardrobe and put her into those tight suits. Believe me, it isn't easy stuffing that little pudding into a size six."

A doctored photo, showing an artificially slimmed down Couric, released by CBS to promote the newscast did nothing to lend the air of gravitas that Moonves was seeking.

"She needs to develop gravitas," he continued. "That's why we gave her the glasses. She needs to lead the nation during breaking news items, not like on 9/11 when she brushed of the incident as probably just a small plane, and when it took her five minutes to comprehend that the first tower had collapsed.

"But I'm sure she'll get there with practice. And maybe with thicker glasses and tighter suits."

Julio Cesar

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