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Glenn Beck Diary: Happy Thanksgiving, and Thanks for Nothing, Obama!



Dear Diary,

I have been listening to the voices in my head again, and they are telling me that Barack Hussein Obama, that Muslim Commie Pinko Fascist, is planning to celebrate Thanksgiving at Plymouth Rock. Sorry, Mr. President, but it is a little late to bail out Plymouth, the last one was made in 2001. This President thinks that he can resurrect a car company by visiting a rock? Coo-coo!

Speaking of Thanksgiving, Al Gore is the biggest turkey of them all. He would have stopped the pilgrims from landing at Plymouth Rock because the ships may have run over a whale or something. Gore would have smoked the peace pipe, if you know what I mean, and that would have increased greenhouse gas emissions. What a hypocrite Al Gore is!

But in all seriousness, Thanksgiving reminds us that we need to kick out all the illegal aliens. If you or your ancestors were not born in this country, get out! We don't need you here. Great Leader Obama claims to have been born in Hawaii, which was not even a state until a few years after he was born. He hasn't even been able to provide me with a birth certificate.

Now we at Fox News are going to hold, I mean, broadcast a tea bagging rally live on Thanksgiving. We will be broadcasting live from The Alamo in San Antonio Texas, which I think had something to do with the first Thanksgiving. We will dress up as pilgrims and proceed to teabag effigies of Barack bin Laden. This is the most important event in our lifetimes, so do not forget your "Obama = Hitler" signs and your semi-automatics.

On the other hand, there are Godless Americans marching on the capitol. The gays with their separate but equal rights agenda stormed Washington and demanded to be heard. Hey, gay people, there are musicals for that! Gays have plenty to be thankful for, like how they are allowed to walk in public and even get jobs. The liberals were all upset about the whites giving the Indians small pox laced blankets, but when the gays give us AIDS under the blankets liberals defend them? They obviously have a double standard.

Now folks, I have come across something unbelievable, but I will tell you how I saw Joseph Stalin in my chicken noodle soup on tomorrow's show. I am speaking of something much more diabolical. Obama is cutting up a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, and he wants to share it with everyone. This is sounding more and more like communism. Let me just take my tin foil hat off the fresh baked pie and I will tell you all about it.

So you see that the pie is being sliced. This part is going to MSNBC so that Olbermann can do his hair. Even more is going to France because Obama wants to ship foreign cheese to the White House. He may have an organic garden, but he flies fancy French food directly to the white house, increasing those pesky global warming emissions. What a hypocrite!

You can see that a lot of the money is going to bribe Acorn to keep Obama's prostitution ring a secret, and about the same is going to feed his new dogs an organic, raw, caribou friendly dog food. Some of the money is even making its way to Hitler and Stalin! Even more is going to weed, and even more is going into Michelle's dresses that she changes every time she's on Air Force One.

As you can see, the smallest slice of the pie is going to you. This was fine when Bush was President and CEO's gave themselves huge bonuses, and when Fox News gained ratings by keeping its audience in the dark about the failing economy. However, now that Barack Hussein bin Laden is President and we need to fool the common man into thinking that the Republicans had nothing to do with leading us into this recession and that they are just like them, so we must compare Obama to Stalin and hope these people will bite and that nobody calls us out.

I am being told that I just read a secret memo from Rupert Murdoch to Bill O'Reilly. How did that end up on my desk? Maybe Obama's media czar put it there, the Devil!

Well, it's time to whack people over their heads with shovels. My enemies list that will be posted on FoxNews.com, so get those shovels ready, America!

Glenn Beck

The Glenn Beck Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER

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